(This post is more serious than usual and about a sensitive topic).

Okay this needs some explanation. My husband is from a very rural area and his parents still live there. This woman who also lives there asked my mother-in-law this question because she assumed that because my husband married a foreign woman that he must have paid for me (and sends money to my family every month).

As you can see my mother-in-law was like…. what? She had to explain that her son had met an Australian woman and fell in love and got married and that Australia was not somewhere you buy wives from.

There are two reasons why this woman thought this: the first is that she is pretty ignorant about other countries (not unusual in very rural areas anywhere) and the second reason is because this actually happens in Korea – men paying for foreign wives – so it’s not that unusual. Also this woman had actually organised a wife for her own son!

So why does this happen? There are many factors why and it’s not exactly black and white. Each situation is different. But basically there are some men in Korea who can’t find anyone to marry and there are women in poorer Asian countries looking for a better life. So there are agencies that organise these marriages. In theory this arrangement should benefit both families.

I can understand the reasoning behind it for women from poor areas in other countries. If they stay where they are, they know they will be disadvantaged and poor for the rest of the their life, but if they marry a man from Korea (or Taiwan is the other place they go) they get a chance at a new life, as well as money sent to their family. However, there are obviously many risks.

What sort of Korean men need to pay for a wife? This can really vary, for example the woman in my husband’s home town, her son was only 29 and perhaps he is just socially awkward. We don’t know much except that he’d never had a girlfriend and his parents thought it important for him to marry. There is more pressure in Korea to marry by a certain age and they obviously thought the best solution was to get a foreign bride for him.

However, not every guy is going to just be some nice but socially awkward guy. There are other reasons for why a man may be unable to find a wife in Korea. His character could be questionable, he could be abusive, he wants a wife to do everything for him… these are the type of men that cause problems for the foreign women that come to Korea and there are a lot of sad stories. There are more incidents of violence and abuse in these type of marriages not only in Korea, but for example in cases where men in the U.S.A get a foreign bride from poorer European countries. This is because of the type of man who is going to these agencies for a wife. There is obviously a higher percentage of abusive men, which is why this can be so risky for women.

Some men may just be old, others may just be living in a rural area where younger women don’t want to live anymore. It really varies. Some women find a better life (one such woman has even become a politician I’ve heard), others may find something only slightly better than in their own country, others face discrimination and abuse. Some women will leave the man as soon as they get their Korean citizenship and go to Seoul, never to be seen again. This happened to a cousin of my husband’s actually. Every situation is different.

I know some governments of the countries where these wives come from have warned against these type of marriages because of the risks involved, also the social implications, for example the men left in the poorer areas of these countries with no one to marry. I did watch a documentary about it recently where they are trying to work with the agencies to at least teach the women about Korean life and teaching the language before they go to Korea, to try and make it easier for these women.

I guess among all the sad stories there are also the happier stories. For example the man in my husband’s hometown, he and his foreign wife seem to have a happy life and have recently had a baby. So for her at least, the risks she took were worth it.